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Just a Happy Little Thought [19 Mar 2010|11:18am]

[ mood | silly ]

Title: Just a Happy Little Thought
Rating: PG/PG-13
Characters/pairings: James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, Lily and Severus; also James/Lily hinted, Severus pining for Lily
Warnings: some coarse language and sexual innuendo
Author notes: This is to be blamed on quantumreality, who inspired this silliness and even offered to do the proof-reading.
Word count: About 2000
Summary: A classroom discussion convinces the Marauders to find alternatives to animal Patroni.

As always, Charms class was a bore. James Potter and his brilliant abilities were even far ahead of the N.E.W.T. level work Flitwick was giving them, so he and his best mate Sirius Black decided to spend the class working out the next prank they were going to pull on old Severus Snape.

"Full moon's in twenty days," Sirius muttered out of the corner of his mouth. "Bet we could convince Snivvy to poke the knot on the Whomping Willow?"

Read More under the fake cut.

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Birthday Boy (Snape/Lupin, E) [12 Feb 2009|04:38am]

Title: Birthday Boy
Author: Margot/midnight_birth.
Rating: E
Warnings: None.
Wordcount: 508
Summary: Severus Snape hates birthdays. Remus Lupin likes to have fun on his lover’s behalf.
A/N: This was written for lupin_snape Snape’s birthday challenge for the prompt “Potions class”.

Bithday Boy

Like my fic? Join margots_fic  !I now take requests
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Fic: Coming Home (Voldemort/Grindelwald) [08 Oct 2008|02:12pm]

[ mood | apathetic ]

Hello, this is my first time posting here.

Title: Coming Home
Rating: A for somewhat explicit sex;
Characters/pairings: Lord Voldemort, Gellert Grindelwald; Voldemort/Grindelwald
Warnings: Ignores canon as it was written before release of Half-Blood Prince; half-arsed attempt at crack.
Author notes: This was written for alittlewhisper and magistera, evil entities who speak of griddlesex and still owe me Peter/Ginny.
Word count: About 2050
Summary: Voldemort met his match, in more ways than one

Voldemort met his match, in more ways than one

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Ho'moaning [22 Jun 2008|07:50am]

[ mood | drunk ]

Title: Ho'moaning
Pairing: SS/HG
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1000-ish
Disclaimer: This is was written strictly for shits and giggles. I don't own any of the Harry Potter plot lines, characters, or anything else unless you count the copies of the books and movies and the few HP action figures I have purchased. In most cases, I even have the receipts.
Warnings: Suggested nudity, student/teacher relationship, kinky book titles
Summary: It's late, and Hermione gets an urge only Severus Snape can satisfy!
A/N: Several weeks ago, I received a PM telling me that my SS/OFC fic would be so awesome if I had paired Severus with Hermione instead of an OFC. It was then suggested that I start writing SS/HG. Okaaaaay... The person didn't specify what type of SS/HG fic she wanted, so I guess I get to choose.


It was late, and Professor Snape was annoyed that he was still slogging through a veritable mountain of first-year essays. Teaching all day and then being at the beck and call of either Dumbledore or the Dark Lord was taking it's toll on him. He needed a life, he needed some entertainment, but above all, he needed to get--


Startled, he nearly fell out of his chair.


It was coming from the Potions classroom.

"Uh, uh, uuuuuhhhhhh!"

"What the bloody hell is that?" he asked no one, drawing his wand and preparing for an attack. "It sounds like a Kelpie in heat."

Suddenly the door to his office flew open, and in stepped--

"Miss Granger!" he addressed the figure in astonishment. "What is the meaning of this intrusion?"
(Read more.... )

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Releasing the Beast Within [17 Mar 2008|12:17am]

[ mood | chipper ]

Title: Releasing the Beast Within
Pairing: Bellatrix Lestrange
Rating: (PG-13
Word Count: 2670 words
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. The theory isn't mine either. I just own the twisted mind that came up with fic.
Warnings: Frisky Pygmy Puff
Summary: It's always the seemingly innocent things that are the most dangerous. Voldie needs a spy in Gryffindor tower, and it's up to Peter Pettigrew to teach one of the Death Eaters the finer points of undercover work. The reason so very few people want to become an Animagus is explained.
A/N: Based on a Poem I wrote called Gotta Love Those Theories: A Tribute to Harry Potter Theorists Everywhere, which expanded into a series of goofy one-shots based on various Harry Potter theories.

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[26 Jan 2008|07:35pm]

 Title: Blocking Teddy
Author: me
Rating: PG-13 for language and insinuations
Pairing: Teddy/Victoire, canon
Warnings: Excessive amounts of silliness
Length: 278
Notes: Dead people can observe the doings of the living. They just can. Don't question it.

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[24 Dec 2007|12:41pm]

Title: Five Times Draco Malfoy Ended Up The Girl's Washroom (Not That He Would Ever Admit To It)
Author: papered
Characters/Pairing: unwilling Draco/Mrytle
Rating: PG
Word Count: 767
Summary: Five times Draco Malfoy found himself in the female washroom when it was clearly not his fault.
Notes: Written for lusimeles for Christmas 2007, and easily one of the hardest requests I've gotten for the season: Draco/Myrtle

( He didn't know how he found himself in situations like this. )
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[23 May 2007|11:23pm]

[ mood | busy ]

Title: The Wedding
Author: shipchan
Pairing: Remus/Tonk (sort of), Severus/Remus, Remus/Sirius
Rating: pg-13
Warnings: None really, except for MIA Snape and no Tonks bashing. Oh, and the fact that it's unbetaed. Sorry for any errors.
Summary: Remus and Tonks are getting married, and the order has something to say about it.
Notes: A bunny I had been working on for a while. This has a lot of what I'd like to see in book seven, so it's kind of close to my heart.
Read more...Collapse )

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In The Shadows [09 Feb 2007|05:20pm]

Title: In The Shadows
Author: lunglock
Genre: Crack/Parody/Songfic
Characters: Albus Dumbledore, Cornelius Fudge, Dolores Umbridge, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Lucius Malfoy, Luna Lovegood, Minerva McGonagall, Remus Lupin, Ron Weasley, Severus Snape, Sirius Black.
Rating: PG
Word count: 3290
Summary: It's Dumbledore's birthday party! There is a special guest star to sing absurdly.
Warnings: This is a ridiculous fic. The song goes on A LOT longer then it would in RL. So yeah, ignore that.

( In The Shadows )
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Fic: The Mating Rituals of Magical Objects [23 Jul 2006|06:42pm]

So I was in Queensland for the weekend, and I had no net access. Therefore, I finished the cracktastic fic I got an idea for at Patronus. Yes, I probably am insane. Using up one of my 'writer's choice' ff100 prompts for this.

Title: The Mating Rituals of Magical Objects -- or The Snake and the Scoop (or lack thereof)
Genre: Crack, humour, object!porn? I don't bloody well know
Rating: PG-13 or R, I guess. Lots of innudendo and suggestion
Pairing: Quill/pimp cane (and Rita/Lucius implied)
Summary: Does it need one?

Yes, the quill is a sheCollapse )

2 | post comment

[27 Jun 2006|12:13pm]

OK, this one is just because I am an attention whore.
Reviews are love baby! =>

Title: A night to remember.
Author: Devilfancy
Summary: Draco gives Harry a night he'll NEVER forget.
Warnings: Lollipops can be dangerous.
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco
Wordcount: 868

Disclaimer : All characters in this story are the property of JK Rowling .
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[27 Jun 2006|11:58am]

Im new here so i thought I would post one of my fics as a get to know you guesture.
I hope you all enjoy it.

Title: Taking Hogwarts
Author: Devilfancy
Summary: Lord Voldermorts cunningly evil plan to take over Hogwarts has a few flaws in it, namely, Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape.
Warnings:humor / snark
Pairing(s): Lucius/Voldie/Snape
Rating: PG-ish
Wordcount: 925

Disclaimer: all characters are the property of JK Rowling.

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Once Again, Harry/Various, PG-13 [21 Apr 2006|09:12pm]

Author: MelusinaHP
Title: Once Again
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairings: Harry/Various
Warnings/Spoilers: Mild sex and violence, Humour/Parody
Word Count: 2,408
Summary: Harry has a really bad day.

A/N: I take absolutely no responsibility for this. The blame lies entirely with J. K. Rowling. This story contains direct quotes and paraphrases from various books.

Once again, Harry found himself in the graveyard in the grounds of the old Riddle house. Once again, he was at Voldemort’s mercy. He sat on his knees before the Dark Lord. The pouring rain had flattened his hair against his face. He could feel the wet mud beneath his legs seeping in through his robes. His vision was obscured by blood that pulsed from the wound gaping in the spot where his scar had been. He was cold, dizzy and in horrific pain. The bodies of his beloved friends lay scattered around him. All his darkest fears had become realities.

Voldemort was pointing his wand directly at Harry’s forehead. He laughed, slowly, in his cold, high voice. “And now, Potter, our little game ends once and for all. You now see, I presume, that your pitiful emotions were no match for my great powers. In the end, you are meeting your death on your knees, at my feet. Prepare yourself, Potter. Prepare yourself for death.”

it will get funny soon, I promiseCollapse )

This was originally posted (and won first prize) at hpfic_contest
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[26 Mar 2006|02:59am]

[ mood | cracked out ]

Title: Love of the Sock
Pairing: Dobby/Sock
Rating: PG-13/R?
Word Count: 414
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I wouldn't do this to them.
Warnings: crack!fic much?
Beta: the crackalackin' why_me_why_not</span>
Dobby loves Harry Potter's sock
This is all why_me_why_not's fault. Blame her.

(Dobby cherishes the sock Master gave him to set him free.)

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Love Letters, Or The Valentines That Never Were [31 Jan 2006|06:50pm]

Title: Love Letters, Or The Valentines That Never Were
Pairing: Draco/Ginny, Ron/Draco, Lucius/Voldemort, Ginny/Luna, Albus/Colin, Harry/Draco, Remus/Tonks, Snape/Lucius/Draco, Peter/Remus, Sirius/Remus, Severus/Firenze, Harry/Ron, Minerva/Fleur
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~1050
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry. I do not own Les Miserables, Wicked or Brokeback Mountain either.
Warnings: Criminally negligent overdose of intravenous crack.
Summary: A series of love notes.
A/N: Happy V-day to my flist, particularly to prurient_badger, terpischore_, violentviolethp, wilde_stallyn, hearts_n_roses, happiestwhen, elsie, germolene, fleshdress, oddnari, noticeably, cs_whitewolf, random_thespian, stick_around and judas_iscariot, for they are to blame for the pairings. Written for the Every Day the 14th Valentine's Fic Challenge.

( I solemnly swear that I don't actually do drugs. [fake-cut] )
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Fic: What Evil Lurks in Underpants [Harry/Draco, PG-13] [14 Oct 2005|11:54pm]

[ mood | sympathetic ]

Title: What Evil Lurks in Underpants
Authors: pixystick (Harry) and furiosity (Draco)
Genre: Crackfic
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warning(s): Crack, and lots of it. Implied wallpreg.
Disclaimer: JKR owns. We only play. You do not sue.
Length: 2600 words
Summary: A sunny Tuesday morning turns nearly lethal as Harry makes a stunning realisation. Or, you know, we have absolutely no idea what we're talking about.
Dedication: littlearsonist
Beta: None.
Note: Our compliments to thespicerack (see post-fic footnote). Stick art by furiosity and also entirely littlearsonist's fault.
Concrit: Always welcome and appreciated.

What Evil Lurks in UnderpantsCollapse )

89 | post comment

FIC: "Filthy, Depraved Half-Blood" | Dobby/Kreacher + Harry | NC17 [12 Oct 2005|01:54am]

[ mood | anxious ]

Title: Filthy, Depraved Half-Blood
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Dobby/Kreacher + Harry
Summary: Harry finds a new way to unwind.
Warnings: Squick and eww.
Words: 3,189

( Filthy, Depraved Half-Blood )

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Fic: Gryffindor vs. Slytherin [10 Oct 2005|08:22pm]

My blamefic is done! Finally! Just a touch later than the end of Sunday, but I hope it's still Sunday somewhere in the world.

Ttile: Gryffindor vs. Slytherin
Rating: PG
Summary: I get to blame this on onyx_noir who wanted Snape and McGonagall go on a drinking binge. Bonus points for the gratuitous use of catnip!
A/N: For those of you who wanted a sequel to Midnight Snack, well, this isn't one, really, but it could be, if you use your imagination. So consider it a companion piece.

There were glasses, all shot sized and shaped like boots, and he lined them up in rows of six. 'Gryffindor scores, I shot. Slytherin scores, you shot. Let’s see who wins, and who can stay conscious longer.'Collapse )

Now check out the The Morning After, which onyx_noir got to blame on me!
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*Dies* [28 Jul 2005|08:06pm]

Bloody hell. I just got the most repulsive plot bunny ever, that I don't think I could BEAR to write, but now that I have thought of it I SO want to see.

I just thought, what if Umbridge is a toad animagus?

And then, like, toad!Umbridge/Trevor ate my brain.

Please, someone, put me out of my misery and write/draw/icon it for me.

*looks hopeful*
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